


Unhappily After Endgame

by Iriel3000



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Clintasha - Freeform, Endgame broke my heart, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jealous Laura Barton, Jealousy, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad Clint Barton, Spoilers, Swearing, i want to give him a hug, not sorry, this is how i'm dealing with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29961666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iriel3000/pseuds/Iriel3000
Summary: WARNING: SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS ENDGAME.Clint Barton is having a difficult time dealing with the aftermath of Natasha’s sacrifice on Vormir. These are Clint’s and Laura’s thoughts about Natasha Romanov and what she meant to them.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Laura Barton, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Unhappily After Endgame

**Author's Note:**

> I am new to the MCU. I watched all the marvel movies during quarantine and became hooked on the Hawkeye Black Widow dynamic (and Loki but that's another post). Age of Ultron made me angry and Endgame broke my heart. This is how I am dealing with it, canon style.

Unhappily After Endgame

"Let me go." Her beautiful face looked up at him.

"No. Please, no." He begged.

"It's okay."

"No!"

"Nat!" Clint jolted awake. 

"Clint." A female voice croaked his name. Wrong voice, not her voice.

The sleeping form stirred next to him. The hair was wrong too. It was supposed to be red not brown.

"Hon, what are you doing?" Laura asked with annoyance as she yanked her wrist from his grasp. "You're squeezing so hard it's cutting off my circulation."

"Sorry." Hawkeye apologized automatically. It wasn't the first time that happened.

Swinging his legs over the bed, he sat up and grabbed a shirt and jeans. He dressed quickly and left, not bothering to look back. Quietly, he checked on the kids before heading to the barn.

Climbing the rope ladder to the loft, Clint opened the flap door in the ceiling and jumped out onto the roof. This was one of his quiet places when he needed to think or be alone.

It had been a year. One year since the stones had been retrieved and everyone that had vanished returned. Thanos was brought down and Clint had his family back.

This was what he longed for right?

Hawkeye scanned his property with sharp eyes. The sun was about to rise, the colors of morning blazed over the fields in front of him. Red light splashed over the trees as the bright star peaked over the horizon.

Red.

Like blood.

Her blood. Spilled over the rocks of another goddamn planet.

He wasn't even able to bring her body home.

Sighing, Clint hung his head and listened to the animals start to stir. He should be counting his blessings. He now has his kids and wife all together and his farm. Everything turned out the way they wanted.

Almost.

He should be waking up grateful for the sacrifice one woman made so he could get his family back. He should be out there living life to the fullest to honor what she gave up, but he wasn't.

He couldn't.

His teammates tried to help.

Thor. Hawkeye later apologized to the Asgardian for lashing out at him. Barton appreciated the big man's willingness to move space and time to get Natasha back.

Steve. The only other man Clint trusted to work with Nat. Hawkeye worried less when she partnered with Cap. Of course, Steve tried to get Hawkeye to talk about her. He brought up the arrow necklace she would wear, telling him how Natasha always talked about Clint when he wasn't around.

Absently, Clint fingered the charm dangling between his dog tags. Stark had brought it to him after Vormir. She had taken it off before they jumped.

Tony. The man who always had a sharp remark or funny quip to break an uncomfortable mood, but not this time. No wisecracks, no uplifting sentiments. He held the necklace in his hand for a moment, before handing it to Barton, as if not wanting to give up a piece of her.

Now Tony was with Natasha. Two teammates that should be here to celebrate the victory, but instead, Clint had to watch them both die.

Then there was Banner. The look on his face was heart wrenching when he told Hawk of his attempts to bring Nat back, and how they all failed. The gentle scientist had really cared about her.

Another wave of guilt washed over Clint. Nat and Bruce might have been happy together if it weren't for Hawkeye and his obvious disapproval of their relationship. He was so unfairly cold to her during that time. When all she wanted was to be loved by someone who could love her back, openly and freely.

Cursing, he pressed his fists against his temples. God, he had been so selfish when it came to her love and loyalty to him.

He married another woman thinking he wanted the 'normal' life. Flaunted it in her face. Expected her to accept Laura because he thought he wanted white picket fences. Paraded his pregnant wife in front of his best friend who couldn't have children, and not by her own choice.

Never once did Natasha show any jealousy or envy. Never once did she turn him away. She was always supportive. In fact, she was the one that argued with SHEILD so he could have this safe spot away from the chaos.

And what did he do for her in return?

Abandoned her on numerous occasions. Acted like a controlling ex boyfriend the few times she tried to connect with someone else or pushed her away when she dared to find comfort in another man's arms.

During the civil war, she asked Clint to side with Cap while she sided with Tony, in hopes of secretly bringing the team back together. When the shit hit the fan, she took the weight of the blame for the fall out.

Where was he? Hiding at the farm playing House while his partner was attacked from all sides. SHEILD, the media, Hydra; all of her enemies were looking for her. She left to go into hiding before telling him. It was better this way, she said.

To keep him and his family safe.

She always thought of him first, and he took it for granted.

Then, the Snap. Clint had made sure Natasha was alive but couldn't bear to see her. If he did, he would've crumbled.

So once again, he orphaned the person who needed him most. Devastated from losing the kids, he never gave thought to her worry for him or the loneliness she must have endured after losing her comrades and having her partner go AWOL.

For five years.

Five years of ignoring her messages she left around the world trying to find him. Five years of not being at her side, making sure she was okay. Five years of not seeing her smile or hearing her laughter. When he was the only one who could truly make her laugh.

He was the only one she ever really trusted.

And he let her go...

******************************************************************************************************

Laura Barton let out an exasperated sigh after her husband walked out. A year had gone by and his nightmares were getting worse. He wouldn't seek help and he refused to talk to her. She still didn't know what exactly happened on Vormir.

The only thing Clint said when she pressed him was 'Natasha gave her life for us. We owe her'.

Natasha.

Everything was always about Natasha.

Clint and Tasha were not on speaking terms when Laura met him. No one knew that the famous Hawkeye and Black Widow had a falling out for a spell.

But Laura should have known by the way he spoke about her constantly, rambling on like an Ex not over a divorce he didn't want. He was in love with his partner. The warning signs were there but Laura chose to ignore them.

Their bond was something Laura didn't understand either. They had their inside jokes and shared trauma, the late night calls at all hours that he answered every time.

She knew about Natasha's tortuous handcuff habit, also. Neither Clint nor Natasha told her but Laura woke up several times when Tasha stayed over, to find Clint missing from their bed and asleep on the floor, sitting up next to where Natasha slept, holding her wrist.

It happened so many times, Laura asked Agent Coulsen one day. Surprised by her observation, he was honest and told her of the Red Room and all it's atrocities. Laura felt for Natasha and what she had to go through, but the jealousy still flourished.

Did Clint sleep on the floor next to Natasha when he was on away missions with her? It didn't seem so by the way he was holding Laura's wrist this morning.

She brushed the thought away. Laura narrowed her eyes as she watched Clint climb on the barn roof from the window. She should go out there and try to comfort him, but she was afraid of heights, and he always went someplace high when he wanted to be alone.

How often did she have to hear about Nat always being there beside him, no matter what rooftop, no matter what weather?

Nat.

Laura fucking hated all of the cute nicknames Clint gave her.

Nat. Red. His little spider. His Natasha.

Natasha. The name he called out during sex far too many times.

The first time was after the New York battle. Laura watched her husband, like the rest of the world, fight side by side with Black Widow, keeping her in his sights and destroying anything that came close to her.

When he returned home, he was supposed to decompress, forget about all the monsters and aliens and her. That was the point of the farm. But he couldn't, and that is when the nightmares started.

One night Laura set up a romantic evening, and it went well, she thought.

Until he climaxed. And called out Natasha's name.

Clint never realized that it happened and Laura never brought it up. Not only was she too embarrassed, but she secretly feared if she did, he would stop pretending and leave her for Natasha. Back then, Laura was happy to live in her fantasy world as long he stayed too. Nat hadn't been around much.

Nat.

Nat and her necklace.

Oh, Laura knew about the necklace. How could she not? Natasha was splashed all over the news. The Black Widow proudly wears an arrow necklace while telling Congress to shove it. The perfect sign of loyalty and devotion to her partner. The nation was in awe and speculated on when the Hawk would once again team up with Widow.

It was humiliating. Laura refused to ask when Clint gave that to Natasha and he never bothered to volunteer the information.

The second time was when he brought the whole team home. She had pointed out the chemistry between Natasha and Dr. Banner but Clint wouldn't hear it. Laura honestly thought a stable, older man who was not a killer at heart, would be good for her husband's partner.

He never voiced it, but Clint disagreed. It was quite apparent in his behavior. Not having his best girl available to him made Hawkeye very agitated. He didn't like not being first in Natasha's life.

That night when Clint and Laura made love, rather, had sex, it was rough and aggressive, not the type of intimacy she liked. She tried to coax him into their normal style but he was drunk, too much whiskey with the boys(which of course included Nat), and when he finally came, it wasn't Laura's name he called out...loudly.

If any of their guests heard, Laura was grateful that they gave no indication the next morning.

The last time it happened, and the last time they made love, was after the Snap, when the vanished returned and they were reconnected.

The first week was like a honeymoon, as if nothing horrible took place. Clint was happy to be home, to spend time with the entire family and get the house back in working order.

Laura grumbled to herself. Actually, there wasn't much to get in order, to be honest. Natasha, Super Friend, had made sure their house was taken care of during their absence. Yet another show of how important Clint was to her, even when the world was falling apart.

Another constant reminder of the amazing Natasha Romanov.

Laura sat on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped, eyes not focused on anything in particular.

Natasha sacrificed her life so Clint could be with Laura and kids.

In the end, Laura won then...right? Laura asked herself.

Mrs. Clint Barton got everything she wanted...her family, her children, their home and her husband all to herself now. She didn't have to compete with extraordinary Black Widow anymore.

Laura won. Right?

Several hours later, she looked out the window of the kitchen towards the barn. Clint was in the same spot on the roof as the morning.

She sighed. So, why did it feel like she lost?

The End


End file.
